OFFICIAL DECODER RING
MA TRANSLATOR
What she says vs. what she means. A field guide to decodin' the woman who raised ya. Study up.
"Do whatever you want."
SHE MEANS
Absolutely do not do whatever you want.
THE WHOLE DICTIONARY
Memorize these. It'll save ya years of confusion.
"Do whatever you want."
MEANS →
Absolutely do not do whatever you want.
"I'm not mad."
MEANS →
The hearing is scheduled. Evidence will be presented.
"You eating?"
MEANS →
I love you and fear you are one skipped lunch away from death.
"Text me when you get there."
MEANS →
My entire nervous system is trackin' your vehicle.
"I don't need anything."
MEANS →
Guess correctly.
"Who's going?"
MEANS →
I need a full threat assessment.
"I saw something on Facebook."
MEANS →
Buckle up.
"It's fine."
MEANS →
It is the opposite of fine and you know exactly why.
"We'll see."
MEANS →
No. But I'm too tired to argue about it right now.
"Ask your father."
MEANS →
I've already decided. He'll agree with me. This is theater.
"Are you wearing that?"
MEANS →
You are not wearing that.
"I'm up anyway."
MEANS →
You woke me up, but I will never admit it. Talk to me.
"That's nice, honey."
MEANS →
I have not heard a single word since you started talkin'.
"Did you eat the leftovers?"
MEANS →
I made those for you. Please tell me you ate those.
"Call me when you can."
MEANS →
Call me immediately. Why haven't you called yet.